I know exactly what you’ve been wondering to yourself. “Where the hell has Vybe been?”, “How come he’s on Twitter and Facebook regularly but there’s much less updates on his Official Blog?”, and my personal favourite, “Where’s the new music?”. Well, I’m happy to formally announce that my little hiatus is over (obviously – since you’re reading this lol), and this blog post contains the answers to all these questions and more (well more or less) in this blog post. Read on to get the scoop, as I tackle the burning questions one by one.

Okay, so the hard truth on my recent whereabouts is not that easy to explain, but to sum it up in one sentence, it comes down to this simple statement: “Sometimes we need to take a step back in order to take two steps forward.”

In this case, I do humbly apologize for not blogging on MistaVybeWorld.com as often as we all would like. I know.. I’ve said that before, but in this instance, I’ll confess that the cause wasn’t just the usual “I’m busy” situation. Don’t get me wrong, I’m always busy, but in this case, there was a lot more than just hectic scheduling going on. The truth is, I have been on a major journey of self-exploration, soul searching and re-evaluating my life, creatively and otherwise.

I haven’t stopped learning, reading and expanding my mind though, as those who follow the “tumblings” INSIDE MY HEAD (shameless self plug) will know. If you missed out on the opportunity to explore what goes on Inside My Head before this, STOP “STICKING” (Trini slang for wasting time lol)! *annoyed face* Head over to http://InsideMyHead.MistaVybeWorld.com (or just click on the INSIDE MY HEAD tab, right under this website’s header) RIGHT NOW to catch up on all the random stuff that has caught my mind’s eye.

As you can see via INSIDE MY HEAD, within the last few months I have re-ignited (and in some cases re-discovered) my passion for various aspects of art, fashion, design (interior, exterior and artistic in nature), all things tech-related and expensive toys. (Speaking of which, have you seen the Strand Craft 122 Super-Yacht, or the pimped out Helicopter yet? Just click INSIDE MY HEAD, scroll down and click NEXT PAGE until you find those *wink*).

I will admit however, that the creative side of my brain was challenged and a bit troubled. Being an artist for a living is challenging, nerve wracking, frustrating, and even depressing at times. When you have dreams as big as I do, sometimes you get frustrated that you can’t just manifest all your goals at once, rapidly. The great thing about life, however, is that every day is a new day and a new chance to live your dreams.

As my Manager, business partner, right hand and closest trusted friend Joanne (AKA Focused Diva) said to me recently: “What do we do when we don’t have the resources we WANT at our disposal? We work with what we DO have – which is our creativity – and find new ways to get things done”.

That was some of the best advice I’ve ever received (thanks cuzzy!), and I advise anyone out there who is creative and going through a tough time manifesting their dreams to thoroughly heed those words, because they saved my life (creatively that is lol).

Anyway, let’s get to the bottom line. I was frustrated and stressed creatively and writer’s block was kicking my ass, but that is done now. Thanks to everyone who sent me positive energy or inadvertently offered wisdom or support. Thanks to all the fans who never waver in their appreciation for what I do. You all are the reason I’m still here doing what I was born to do, which is create.

Special thanks to my fam – Joanne, Jester, Doc JonesHD and Cerise Fairfax (special mention to De La Vega as well) – for not only being there to support me personally, but inspiring me with your relentless hustle. You guys are my rock!

Most of all thanks to God, The Universe or whatever name you give to the amazing Force that shapes all things. God is good – I have a new direction, renewed faith now and a burning desire to create once again!

Oh, and speaking of creating, you’ll be happy to know I just released a BRAND NEW sweet Soca track for St. Lucia Carnival 2010 which will be posted here on MistaVybeWorld.com on Thursday (June 10, 2010). Needless to say you need to check back for that one. *wink*

That little Soca ditty is just the tip of the iceberg. I have a feeling that St. Lucia single is going to be the last Soca track you hear from me for a little while. Why? Simply, because I have been limiting myself for too long. In this life the only thing holding us back is OURSELVES, and I will no longer be content to think small. So, look out for BIG THINGS from yours truly! I can’t get into the details of the whole project, but I can tell you this:  Get ready for Mista Vybe 2.0! A very important UPGRADE is coming… and that’s all I can say for the moment.

Remember that word – UPGRADE – you’re going to be hearing it quite a bit from here on. Trust me, in time it will all make sense lol.

In the meantime,  keep checking MistaVybeWorld.com for more regular blog updates, starting tomorrow with a tribute to my brother in music, Sheldon “$hel $hok” Benjamin, since tomorrow (Wednesday June 9, 2009) marks a full year since he passed away. (RIP Sheldon!)

After that, you’ll be hearing about much more things I’ve got in the works, including joining me on my journey back into PRODUCING MUSIC (in addition to writing and performing, of course), more on my AMAZING new musical project… shucks, lets just says there’s PLENTY more to come and leave it at that for now, shall we?

In closing, I would be remiss if I didn’t take the time to say THANK YOU to every single person that reads my blog, listens to my music, follows me on Twitter, keeps up with me on Facebook, has passed through my Myspace page… hell, anyone that appreciates what I do. I love you all for for supporting me thus far and I look forward to your continued support (jeez I sound like a politician, right lol).

God bless you ALL. (Yes, I’m talking to you too. Yeah, you. The one reading this blog post! lol)

So there you have it. As I said earlier, I had to take ONE STEP BACK and get myself together. Now I hope you will join me so we can take these next TWO STEPS FORWARD together.

That’s it for the time being. Mista Vybe OUT (for now)!

AAAAAAAND… CUE POLITICAL COMMENTARY!

I’m not a political advocate of any sort, so this is just a quick recap of some necessary info. Today (May 24th, 2010) is Election Day in Trinidad And Tobago (my homeland). YES, I voted. NO, I’m not saying for whom lol. YES, I advocate voting (I believe that democracy is a gift we should all treasure and use wisely). And NO, I’m not getting caught up in all the political madness that has been going on for the last few weeks in TnT. The Bottom line is that I exercised my Democratic rights, and now we wait to see who winds up running the country for the next few years. For me personally, this means BACK TO WORK! (Studio with Madman Johann of Madmen Productions tonight.)

That is all.

END OF POLITICAL COMMENTARY.

My daily routine in Toronto was ground to a shocking halt when I received an email from Japanese Dancehall/Soca selector DJ Hemo, who stunned me with the words: “Koko passed away in a fire that took place at the Abercromby Hotel on October 13th“.

I will miss you Koko – we all will – and the cultures of the islands that you loved so dearly will miss you and your dedication to your lifelong mission (promoting Soca and Caribbean vibes) as well.

Sadly, I will be in Toronto still working and I won’t be able to say Goodbye to you at your Memorial Service, or Happy Birthday, so I say all these and more to you right here and now.

Farewell Koko. Say hello to Shok for me. Oh and I promise we will still have that lime one day, when the time comes for me to see you guys again. In the meantime, I will continue to Celebrate your Life. Blessings, Vybe.

Looking back at my life, there is one undeniable common denominator that was the catalyst in one way or another for demise of almost all my romances, the irreversible breakdown of countless relationships (family, busines, friendship and otherwise), the loss of too many friends to mention over the years and too many personal hardships to chronicle in this one blog. Bottom line: choosing music as a way of life has taken it’s toll – HARD. Which leads me to try to address a pertinent question that one of the few real friends I have left recently challenged me to answer for myself: “Why the f@#% do I keep doing this?”.

After all that I have been through and continue to go through on a daily basis, clearly it’s my undying love of Music that keeps me going. It’s only because I love Music so much that I choose time after time to keep at it, despite the fact that, truthfully, most of us in this game spend half the time feeling like Music doesn’t love us back.

As one of my favourite Buju Banton songs goes: “It’s Not An Easy Road/Many see the glamour and the glitter so dem think a bed o’ rose/Who feels it knows…”. Truer words have never been said.

Since I started this musical journey I have spent so many nights either in the studio recording or writing wherever I happen to be that my body now has lost all sense of regular time, and now refuses to shut down before the sun comes up most days, if at all.

Then my already tired ass has to go hustle to earn a living, pay bills and attend to my responsibilities as a parent just like everyone else – which can be tricky when you don’t get a paycheck every month or couple of weeks like everyone else. Don’t get me wrong – I’m not bitching about the money – just noting that it doesn’t show up on a on a regular schedule (usually) in this line of work, which sucks when you live in a world that expects bills to be paid at the end of the month, regardless of when your last show happened to be, or when your royalty cheque gets cut, or when the money for that commercial finally comes in.

As for relationships… pretty much all my exes will tell you flat out, if there’s a choice between music and personal happiness, music always wins with me. Some of them still might not understand it, but that’s the way it has always been.

When you live, eat, sleep and breathe music like I do, it can prove to be a jealous lover and a heartless mistress that will eventually wreck any home.

I’d be richer than Bill Gates if I had a dollar for every time one of my exes scowled and said to me “Damn – Do you EVER stop singing/writing/working?”, or “Why don’t you do things at THIS time like regular people?”, or – my personal favourite – “Why can’t you just get a regular job?”.

And that’s before we even factor in the groupie/fan-chick element, which can be the stone that shatters the proverbial glass house that is an “industry” relationship.

People think musicians are hoes. Musician’s girlfriends, wives, etc, are people too, so they naturally have that thought at one point or another, and even if – by some miracle – they don’t start out with that thought, TRUST that there will be a friend or a family member (or a complete stranger – perhaps even one of said groupies/fan-chicks) who will be happy to plant that thought in your loved one’s mind.

And all this while, as a musician, we’re already always fighting a losing battle against TIME.

Time – or lack of it – is a real relationship killer – and I’m not just talking about the romantic kind, either. Time is important. Friends, lovers and family crave it, but it’s a precious commodity that any true artist has very little of, because the majority of our time is invested in making the art that every true artist feels they were born to make in the first place.

Nothing is harder for a parent than missing a child’s birthday. Yet, my son was born on the same weekend that NY’s Labour Day (i.e. one of the biggest Carnivals of the year – and thus one of the most obvious booking opportunities) falls on, and my daughter was born right around Miami Carnival time (see previous bracketed statement)… do the math – nuff said.

My parents are so used to me being off working somewhere that they just accept it and find alternative means to keep track of me, just so they know I’m alive.

This is why my Mom follows me on Twitter – because she discovered I update it more often than I manage to tell her about my comings and goings.

This is why Horace (my father) has, on more than one occasion, shrugged his shoulders upon learning that I was out of the country for weeks, because he never even knew I even left in the first place, because i’m too busy to see him often enough to keep him abreast of my crazy schedule. (Feel free to re-read that last one if you missed the point the first time, it’s kinda deep in it’s simplicity lol.)

And as for “friends”… when you’re not around as much as you used to be, or as focused on them when you actually are around… , let’s just say it doesn’t make for a good foundation for friendship.

Worse yet, success breaks friendships. Success and lack of convenience.

If I’m busy making myself successful then I have less time to be a “good friend” and help YOU be successful. Additionally, when I actually BECOME successful, then I’ll be busy working to maintain that success, so that’s even less time and energy to be a “good friend”. And so resentment sets in, and another friendship bites the dust.

And yet I continue to do this music thing… why? Because I can’t stop. It’s what  I was born to do.

Besides, I have to finish this journey like I promised myself after realising how lucky I am to have lived through having a .22 bullet somehow weave it’s way through my insides without crippling me or having me bleed to death… and like I promised myself again while lying in the hospital years later, not knowing if I was going to actually live to see another studio. As I recall – at the time, I was happy just to get the I.V. out of my arm and the blinding pain out of my body, so that I didn’t have to keep asking for enough morphine to knock me unconscious.

And then there’s all the people that I have to complete this journey for, who can’t do it themselves or be here to see me do it in the flesh. Rest In Peace Shok, Sterling, Curtis, Iris, Inez, Cuthbert, Cox…

So I keep on keeping on. Because I have to. Because I can’t let everyone (and myself) down. Because God wouldn’t have put all these songs in my head (that never stop) and given me ALL THESE VOICES to sing them with if he didn’t mean for me to do this. Because everything I’ve accomplished has to lead somewhere.

Don’t get it twisted. I’m not feeling down or in need of sympathy; as a matter of fact, I’m stronger than I’ve ever been, musically and otherwise. I’m not wounded or hurt; I heal more and more each day, and get happier with every new growth I experience. I’m not lost or unmotivated, I’m more determined than I’ve ever been, cutting some of the best tunes I ever have (yeah I said it – you’ll see when the joints drop). Bottom line: this is about reflecting on what it took to get to what i see as my most powerful point ever, thanks to the best Team, support system and family anyone could ask for.

This is just a gentle reminder for myself, so that the next time I’m having an off day, someone will remind me to come back and reemember everything I’ve said and re-read this letter to the love of my life – Music.

Dear Music:

We’ve been through alot of ups and downs. The good outweighs the bad in the end. I’ll stick with you regardless of how bad you treat me sometimes, because I know this is what I was meant to do.

Always,

Vybe

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! *deep breath… count to a million… do meditation excercises… think peaceful thoughts*

Yeah – so the Bat-Computer is now in the shop, and since the show must go on nothing stops MistaVybeWorld.com from rolling, I’m actually writing this blog from *gasp! gulp! HIDE FACE IN SHAME* a PC laptop!!!!! A freakin’ DELL for crissakes!!!

STOP LAUGHING!!!

Anyway – moving on and backtracking to the scene of the crime… I was working on the laptop over at my Mom’s house, got up hurriedly when my Mom called out to me to come do something for her quick, and in my rush to hustle over to where she was, kicked the USB cord that connected my laptop to my Blackberry Pearl at the time, in the process making the Bat-Computer topple off the laptop table it was perched on and fall to its untimely death.

I won’t even bother to go into how I had JUST replaced the malfunctioning origjnal harddrive with a brand new one just recently, or how I was musing about getting an upgraded model of the Bat-Computer at this point… that’s what the Archives are for.

All I can really let you know at this point is that I whisked the laptop off to the same folks that fixed it the last time, hoping and praying that the malfunction which kept it from booting up was at least fixable, since I didn’t exactly budget for $2000 – $3000 or more (US dollars) to buy the new Macbook Pro I want so badly.

After much hoping and praying on my part and extra prayers from the rest of the MistaVybeWorld.com Team, I’m happy to say that the problem turned out NOT to be the logic board, but, in fact, the hard drive, which at least is a fixable issue.

Sadly, in this instance “fixable” means shelling out more $$ for ANOTHER brand new hard drive and having it formated and such by the fix-it folks. Fixable, but costly and frustrating. That’s 3 hard drives in like a 2 months folks – NOT cool.

But – at least I can take some solace in the fact that the Bat-Computer will indeed ride again, and in the meantime, I’ll be posting (on this blasted DELL) and trying to retain some semblance of “normalcy” online…

In closing I just want to say a heartfelt thanks to all those who reached out to me on and offline, or who just offered prayer or Positive Energy for the unfortunate laptop situation.

Fear not people – the Bat-Computer lives… kinda.

Get well soon Bat-Computer – I need you back!!!!!